Dear every teacher I've ever had,

Thank you.

I am sitting here, at my computer, a gainfully employed member of my chosen profession, and it is all thanks to you.  Really, each and every one of you were not just helpful or instrumental, but pivotal in all my successes to date.  11 months ago, I had just graduated Ithaca College, and was preparing to head to my first post-graduate job at the Hackmatack Playhouse. That job lasted me a month, and I already had two more jobs lined up afterwards.  All I could do was marvel at how well I had been taught and trained by those people who have dedicated themselves towards making the lives of children and young adults better.  

From 1992 until 2008 I was wrapped in the protective, nurturing bubble of Waynflete School.  There, the entire faculty and staff worked tirelessly with us to instill knowledge, values, morals, and an incredible thirst for learning.  They were successful.  Thanks to the efforts of the Lower, Middle, and Upper School Teams, all of my Homestation Teachers, and Advisors, I found myself instilled with self-discipline, and pushed to explore a wide variety of interests and subjects, and always given the time to listen to my (still annoying to this day) incessant chatter.

To those of you who scolded me, I learned the important lessons of humility, and embarrassment. 

To those of you who praised me, I learned the ever-necessary lessons of self confidence, and celebration of accomplishment. 

To those of you who challenged me to think and explore beyond my comfort zones, I learned the invaluable lessons of opening my mind to the world, challenging its mores, and inspiring others to reach together beyond what we ever could believe possible.  

Together. That is the most important word that I take away from my most formative years. In that spirit, I must next thank every Coach, Leader, Advisor, and Counselor who ever took me under their wing and turned me into something greater.  From PAYSA, to Little League, to Pine Island Summer Camp, to Waynflete Athletics, I was given the incredible gift of Teamwork. No single lesson has been more important for me in my lifetime than the value of the Community, the Team, the Ensemble.  In Athletics I was inspired by every coach to work with others, to avoid flying solo, to work collaboratively in order to better the team as a whole.  That notion has become a beacon I hold dear in this world.  Nothing is more important than the Ensemble, the Community, and I work every day to create that amongst my castmates and crew, my friends, and those I work with closely.  This singular lesson made all my time at Waynflete, PIC, and Ithaca College the incredible years that they were.

To every Director, Mentor and Leader who lead me through artistic endeavors, You are the reason I do what I do today.  From every Theatrical endeavor at Waynflete or within the Community of Portland, to Choruses at Waynflete, St. Luke's Cathedral, and State of Maine honors groups, to the A'Cappella Groups who were so majorly a part of my life for four years at Waynflete, thank you.  For the mistakes I made, I promise I took each one to heart and learned from them moving forward.  For the successes we shared together, they were not mine to celebrate any more than they were yours.  Each of you gave me so much guidance and trust that I hope I have done justice to.  I would not be an active member of the Entertainment Industry without everything you gave me.

In the Fall of 2008 I began my freshman year at Ithaca College.  There are not enough words for me to express my gratitude and love for that institution and the time I spent there.  There I was taken from a headstrong, hardworking, impulsive, eager High School Graduate, and sculpted into a Professional Young Man.  I was given the gift of the most amazing class of theatre artists anyone could ask for, and the class of 2012 worked alongside each other under the guidance of some of the greatest theatrical minds in the world.  Together we experienced joy, heartbreak, success, failure, love, conflict, and peace, and came out the other end ready to tackle the world.  I would be nowhere without my degree from Ithaca College.  To every teacher there, thank you.  From the bottom of my heart.  We may not have always seen eye to eye, we may not have interacted very closely, and you may never have known the impact you've had on my life.  Trust me, you are appreciated.  Even if you never taught me, if we only interacted once, the work you had with my classmates trickled through them to me.

And so I come to the last group of teachers from my time in the Educational system.  My peers.  To every single peer I have had in life. You all have given me so much love, friendship, guidance, and trust that I can't describe to you what you all mean to me.  You are the reason I get up every day, you are the reason I work as hard as I do, and seeing you and hearing your joys and successes makes me happier than you will ever know.  Thank you to each and every one of you.  Continue being as amazing as you are already, and the world can not stop what we have accomplished, and what we have yet to accomplish together or on our own.  I will always be here for you all, just as I know you are always there for me.  You all taught me about friendship and love, the most important things anyone can ever know.  Without those lessons, the rest are pointless.

I am proud to say that when my 1 year anniversary of graduating from Ithaca College, I will have worked 40 out of 52 weeks in the Theatre Field.  I have had the pleasure and honor of working for 6 different theaters, and 2 educational institutions in my first year postgrad.  That accomplishment is yours to celebrate as much as it is mine.  It never would have come true without the hard work of those that made me who I am today.  I hope I can continue to make you all proud, and do justice to the work you've done.

The most important thing I've learned from each and every one of you, my teachers throughout my entire life, is that we are never done learning.  In that vein, thank you to everyone who has taught me since I graduated.  To every crew member, staff member and cast member of my professional experiences I've had postgrad, thank you for taking me under your wing, for teaching me, for giving me trust, and nurturing my creative spirit.  

The world is full of teachers, whether they know it or not.  It is our job as humans to live our lives as fully as we can to inspire and teach those around us.  I have been blessed with being surrounded by some of the greatest teachers I could ever imagine or hope for, and I look forward to meeting more in the future.

Thank you, each and every one of you.  I love you with all my heart and appreciate you more than this letter could ever convey, or you will ever know.

~Ned Donovan

"Ladies and Gentlemen, THE BEATLES!"

Every performance, in his best Ed Sullivan impersonation, Dan Embree says those words, and I run out on stage with three other guys singing "She Loves You" for all I'm worth.  In that first moment, the audience already has a smile on its face, and given how awesome this show is, those smiles never waver.

I am blessed to say I have spent the last 6 weeks (dear god, has it only been 6 weeks?) and have 2 more to go at this amazing theater in this lovely little town, with this AMAZING cast and crew of people I that I adore.

7 times a week, for two and a half hours a performance, I get to sing some of the greatest hits of The Beatles, The Beach Boys, Simon and Garfunkel, Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, Roy Orbison, Procol Harum, The Troggs, and many many more.  Along with the 7 other featured performers, 1 hilarious Emcee, and an unmatched 8 piece band led by my good friend Steve Watts.

This show is so fantastic, in every way, and if you have the chance to come out and see it, I highly recommend you do so.  I'd never worked for The Fireside until this opportunity and I pray I get the chance many more times.  This is one of the most interesting, beautiful, and downright different spaces I've ever performed in.  First of all it's in the round, thereby making it different than 99% of the theaters I audition for.  Secondly it's huge, with 700 seats, the audience can be massive, and yet since the audience is on four sides, no matter how many people are in there it always feels intimate.  Third, they put on shows that I had never even considered for in the round staging.  That is a testament to Ed Flesch's directing ability, and to the rest of the crew for their brilliant execution of what can be an extremely difficult style of theater.  They do it simply, and easily, with a grace and calm that I am extremely envious of.

I'm rambling and just spouting praises at this point, but really, if you're in the Wisconsin Area, get your butt to The Fireside for this show.  We run wednesday @130, Thursday @130 and 730, Saturday @130 and 730, and Sunday @115 and 5.  Our last performance is Sunday the 24th of February.

Tell your friends, and if you have a chance to audition for, to see, or to recommend a Fireside show, do so, you will not regret it!

To learn more on the show, visit: http://www.firesidetheatre.com/2013_Season/Sizzlin_60s.aspx

Or check out some of the other cast members of this show!

Bianca Denis
Maggie McDowell
Jonathan Mouton

So guys, have you heard?  Community is BACK!!!!

That's right! My favorite group of community college misfits will be back on our television screens on February 7th! I'm so excited I may poop. Or puke. Or something. 

It is with great trepidation, however, that I approach February 7th, because something is amiss. I fear that the great and powerful 'Community' may be starting an uphill battle which is can't overcome.  

This is not the first time the show has had to do this.  Rumors surrounding the cancellation of Community have been circulating since the end of Season 2, and yet it came back and got itself a third season.  And then just when everyone thought that was it, it's kaput for Community, they came out with an announcement of Season 4, premiering on October 19th, and the fan base breathed a collective sigh of relief.  We then sucked all that air right back in when October 19th rolled around and there was no Community.  Little did we know that it had been pushed back to the spring, we thought it was over, they had destroyed us, and we were left to wallow in our own tears.  The light is back, and it is shining.  But until that season premiere happens, we won't know just how bright that light shines.  

Community is the brainchild of a brilliant television writer named Dan Harmon.  Harmon has created an amazing piece of comedy which comments on just about everything possible, is self-effacing, self-aware (without being pretentious), and really too damn smart for its own good.  This is all because Harmon is notoriously strict in his control of the show.  The show has been sculpted, crafted, and given to us by Harmon, and he has held tight onto the reins the whole way.  I am not sorry for that in the slightest.  The show has so much heart because it doesn't apologize for what it is.  It doesn't go out of its way to try and get a broader audience.  It doesn't exist to appeal to anyone, it hopes that someone is willing to watch it, and it does what it wants.  This is not the kind of show that Television Producers like to get behind, in other words.  Where they wanted ratings and cash, Harmon wanted quality.  He has been at odds with the producers since the first season, and so it is no surprise, that after three seasons, begging him to open it up to a wider audience base, they fired him.

The plot has played out over about a year and a half in various forms.  Mostly, the drama seems to be coming from either Harmon, or one of the show's biggest draws, Chevy Chase.  The first major conflict seemed to be when Harmon was angry with Chase for walking off the set in the middle of shooting the season 3 finale.  (Chase says he wasn't given a script until the last minute and was frustrated that everything seemed to be slapped together).  This little story made a small news wave as tweets and posts went out from crew members announcing Chase's departure from set.  Then things got personal.  

First Harmon publicly shamed Chase by delivering a "f*** you, Chevy" speech at the show's Season 3 wrap party.  He then asked the cast and crew to join him in saying "F*** You, Chevy" at the party.  This was in front of Chase's wife and daughter.  It's important to note that no one seems to have approved of Harmon's behavior, most of the cast and crew has carefully avoided talking about it, but everyone seems to be on Chase's side here.  Chase, then one-upped Harmon with a nasty, R-Rated voicemail declaring him everything terrible under the sun.  You'd think that Harmon would reflect on his bad ways, and decide to let it go.  Unfortunately Harmon has a notoriously short fuse, so he instead decided to play the voicemail for a crowd of 150 during a small stand up set he was doing.  In doing so, the feud was officially cemented.  I mean it's about as childish as you can get.

All of those things had Community fans distraught.  Here was our icon, mr. Dan Harmon, acting like an asshat.  But he was acting like an asshat, because our comic genius, Chevy Chase, was acting like an asshat.  They both together made a pair of remarkable asshats.  Sure cast members tried to laugh it off, or mark it as no big deal.  But the fact is everyone seems worried.  Then, to make matters worse, Chase came out and stated the show was, "the lowest form of television".  So what were fans to think of all this?  We thought what Joel McHale thought.  It's just Chevy being Chevy.  He's a big personality, and he'll be fine with it.  Then Chevy announced abruptly it was over.  Pierce Hawthorne had run his course, and he is out.  This all came after an incident while filming Season 4, where Chase, increasingly annoyed at the lines he had to say which he found offensive, was quoted saying, "Next thing you know I'll be calling Troy a N*****".

You just can't make this stuff up.

Before this happened, however.  NBC tried to patch things up with Chase and get rid of the thing that was in his way.  Harmon.  The creator.  The overlord.  The man who crafted the show and gave us brilliance.  And now both he, and the beloved Pierce Hawthorne are gone.

So yes, I think Community has a huge uphill battle to fight.  New show-runners, and being pitted against 'The Big Bang Theory', and 'American Idol' on Thursday Nights.  We've lost one of our favorite beloved characters, and it sounds like he's not written out, but excused abruptly.  We have the show taking a new direction, and two of the front runners at the helm missing.  The show seems like its in dire straits.

Despite all the forces against it in the past, Community has found a light-hearted way to remind everyone that it's still going.  Deep into the second season, as we were preparing for the possible cancellation, Abed runs into the Cafeteria and...well...I'll let you see for yourselves.

Six Season and a Movie has become the anthem of Community.  In the face of adversity they continue to try and get it.  They also continuously reference Abed's fear of his favorite shows being cancelled, and the cast's attempts to make it better for him.  They reference the cult-classic Firefly (coincidentally my favorite show of all time) repeatedly as Abed and Troy try and get the show brought back on the air.  They finished the final episode of Season 3 with a giant hashtag for all us fan to hold on to.  #sixseasonsandamovie

And we were off to the races.  Fans have been fighting to keep the show running, and we have all been promoting it as much as possible.  The extra break from the start of Season 4 has allowed me to get 5 new people hooked on the show, and they are now racing to get caught up as we come up on the impending date of February 7th.

So with all that, why did I title this post the way I did?  Well I agree with my earlier statement.

"You just can't make this stuff up".

Or can you?  I don't believe it.  It's too fantastical a story.  I get that people have egos but this show has been too self-aware, and too meta, and too well crafted to have its front runner unceremoniously ousted, to find out that he had been fired through an Entertainment Weekly Headline.  To have a crowd favorite just up and leave in the middle of a season.  The show has broken new barriers with how meta it gets, with what it calls reality and what is fiction.  They consistently give us a new level to think on, often wondering if the actors within the show are commenting on the show, or the characters in the show are remarking on the absurdity of their world, or the characters in the show are remarking on the absurdity of the actors commenting on the absurdity of the show, or so on and so forth.  In short, you're never quite sure if Community is being self-aware, or merely strange.

In my perfect world?  All of this is just Community taking the Meta step one giant leap farther, and this time, NBC jumping on for the ride. In my perfect world, the premiere of season 4 goes like this:

As we all know, Jeff Winger is introduced to the show in the pilot of season 1 as a disgraced lawyer, returning to community college to get a real degree before his disbarment hearing.  (A happening which has just sort of been forgotten and ignored, I'm wondering when they'll bring it back to light).  Well I think they should start season 4 the same way.  In fact, I think (well I don't think, but I hope) that all the off-set drama, was NBC's brilliant marketing ploy to shed some light on a show struggling to get new viewers.  I think we open the fourth season with an episode featuring Dan Harmon as Dan Harmon, a disgraced Television Showrunner who has been unceremoniously fired from his job as a primetime TV show executive, and now he's looking to get a degree so he can start his career over.  I think the group should welcome him with open arms.  

I think as the episode goes on, Chevy Chase's Pierce Hawthorne gets more and more jealous at the group's acceptance of Dan, given that he has had to work so hard for love and affection within the group.  This leads to all out confrontations between Harmon and Hawthorne, resulting in many a nasty voicemail left on Harmon's phone, which he readily shares with the rest of the group.  At the end of the episode, Harmon announces his departure from the community college, the lifestyle isn't for him.  And he returns to grovel and get his job back.  

At this point NBC puts out that all of this, ALL OF IT has been an act, that Dan Harmon is still in control, and that all the fights between Harmon and Chase were merely publicity stunts for the show.

The only question is, how then do they make Chase's sudden departure into a publicity stunt?  Now they're getting brilliant.  NBC then announces that despite Harmon's real intentions being pure, and Harmon and Chase having no problems, it is true that Chase is leaving show for artistic differences.  We lose Hawthorne near the end of the season.  We're given some BS statement delivered by a character other than Hawthorne about why he's gone.  Fast forward to the end of Season 4 and NBC announces they don't have any plan yet to renew the show because they don't think it has good enough ratings.  

The fans go wild.  

They fight, tooth and nail, and begrudgingly, NBC picks it up for Season 5.  Season 5 begins wherever Season 4 leaves off (and given how crazy Season 3 ended, that could be anywhere), and we get halfway through, to have a reappearance of a familiar face.  Pierce Hawthorne is back.  It turns out that there were no artistic differences, Chase's departure was yet ANOTHER setup for a publicity stunt they hadn't even pulled yet, in a season they never confirmed they were making, because they wanted the grassroots campaigns to do the job for them.  It's worked so far.  

The fans have kept the show alive, and now, if I'm right (*DISCLAIMER* I'M LIKELY 100% WRONG) they've just created a very Community way of asking for the help.  They've created a meta show, with a meta concept, which will let us have our Harmon back, and cause one hell of a laugh when we realize just how meta it all is.

So that is what I hope is about to happen on February 7th.  It is likely that with the premiere of Season 4, my dreams will be dashed.  Harmon really will be gone, and a few short weeks later I'll lose the ever-hilarious Chevy Chase as well.  But until that happens, I will hold on to Six Seasons and A Movie, because we're going to get them, whether NBC wants to or not.  They've tried to cancel twice now, and failed, we've only got to pull it off two more times and a movie!  Give that Firefly only got 13 episodes, and the fans got them a movie, I think we're on the right path.  If Harmon and Chase are gone?  We will STILL fight to keep Community and alive.  

I guess I'll see you all February 7th!

#SixSeasonsandaMovie

For the full text of the Dr. Martin Luther King "I Have a Dream" Speech, click here 

On the occasion of today, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's birth, I listened to and read the I Have A Dream speech again.  Every night here at The Fireside I have the honor of hearing a portion of the speech read aloud by the incomparable Bianca Denis and every night I hear it as it applies today.

Because it still does.

Every night as she reads those ever powerful words, those words which truly go down as the spark behind the Civil Rights Movement of the 60's, those words which live in our history as one of the greatest moments America has ever known, I am reminded of today's Civil Rights Movement.  Today there is a group of people demonized, and told they are less than.  There is not segregation as there was in the 60's, but there is a group of people who live in constant fear of retribution.  Who, in many states in this country, have to hide who they are so they don't have to worry about being fired over it.  Who are told they are less than, are not worthy of equality to a group of people who are in the majority, and who have the historical superiority on their side.

The LGBT community is today's Civil Rights Movement.

Fifty years ago, a great American delivered a speech which stands as a great "beacon of light" in our Nation's history, and brought change and equality to millions of Americans who were told they were less than.

Fifty years later, our country is still pushing to fulfill the dream laid out by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  However it has lost its way in its quest for recognizing what was at the heart of the dream he gave us.  Freedom.  Equality.  

*Please note, many of the following words are direct lifts from Dr. King's famous speech, I understand that these are not my original words or phrasings*

In a sense, the LGBT community is here to cash a check.  When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir.  This note was a promise that all people, yes, Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, and Transgenders as well as heterosexual people, would be guaranteed the "unalienable Rights" of "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness."  It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her LGBT citizens are concerned.  Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has give the LGBT community a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds."

But I refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt.  I refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation.  And so, I believe that the LGBT community should go to Washington to cash this check, a check that will give them upon demand, the riches of freedom and the security of justice.

And I think it should happen on August 28, 2013.  Fifty years to the day of Martin Luther King's glorious speech.

I think that they should go to our nation's capital to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now.  This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism.  Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy.  Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of discrimination to the solid rock of brotherhood.  Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

You see Dr. King had a dream, he had a dream which echoes through eternity, and still resonates today.

In 2013, I would add some names to his list.  When we allow freedom to ring, we will speed up that day when all of God's children, male or female, regardless of race, creed, sexual orientation, etc.  LGBT men and women and Heterosexual men and women, will be able to join hands and sing in the words so beautifully reminded to us by Dr. King.

We can fulfill his dream.  We can continue striving to create a country which is the beacon of equality and hope.  People rushed to our shores on the belief that this country could make them greater, and that belief should still stand true today, regardless of who they are.  We need to act.  Please write your congressmen and women, your senators, your representatives, and demand that they pass ENDA (the Employment Non-Discrimination Act).  Write your politicians and show your support for the passage of gay marriage laws at a federal level.  We can do this, 50 years later, we can continue to hold Dr. King's cause.  It's one worth fighting for.

R.I.P. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Thank you for your dream, it made a difference.

Happy Birthday.

In my college directing class, a fellow student once said (in response to a question of what directors need to do to get a performance out of an actor),

"My high school teacher told me that being actor is being willing to stab your soul on stage in front of everyone day after day after day." 

In response to this, our directing teacher (the absolutely incredible Wendy Dann) said,

"Well be careful now, don't get cute with it, and certainly don't get romantic about it.  Actors have a wonderful job, one that they are blessed to live every day and to be a part of, but it is a job.  It is no more important than anyone else's, in theatre, or outside."

This was a very important moment for me.  You see I love my job.  I love everything about what I do.  I wake up in the morning and I am proud to say that I am an actor.  I am proud to say I am a member of the theatre community  However in my experience, there is a love and praise for actors, but that love, and those praises are not extended to the millions of other members of the theatre community, the ones who aren't going out on stage every night.  This offends me.  There is an entire side of the theatre community that is happy to let themselves go unappreciated, and under-loved by most, and they do so with a smile, and with a passion for their job that I can only respect and feel admiration for.  

During my time in a BFA Musical Theatre program, I was so surprised to see this problem perpetuating itself as soon as people arrived as freshmen.  There were many who treated BFA Performance majors like they had a right to the school that the other theatre majors did not.  I made it my mission to have the class of 2012 be a true community, with cross communication and love across majors, and I am proud to say that I was not the only one who worked hard at this goal.  Our class worked as a whole to break this stereotype, and we truly loved each other, regardless of major, regardless of theatrical position, regardless of intended career goals.  We came together as a community, not as a group of segregated theatre artists.

One of the biggest issues I've found, is those who are not actors perpetuating the fault.  I think it stems back to high school.  For the most part (and its changing in a world where high school theatre is constantly raising the bar) if you were in high school theatre you were an actor, a stage manager, or a member of the tech crew.  Most high schools, in my experience (which granted is limited, and I've heard of many which do have these things) don't have student directors, designers, costume builders, etc.  On top of that, there is no student theatre marketing position, no agents, no PR, no artistic direction.  In other words, the world of theatre is so much more massive than just the three designations in high school.  But most of the people who fill those roles today, started in one of the three high school designations, and I would venture a guess that more often than not, they started as actors.  I may be wrong, but I'm willing to make that claim.  The high school system is set up to promote actors, and not promote the crew or the stage management.  It is a system which reflects the actuality of the theatre world as a whole, and it makes sense, the actors are the visible members of the show.  They are the ones the audience will remember, if the show goes well.  That is how its meant to be.  If the show goes not well for a technical reason, the audience will blame the technicians, the designers, or whoever was on run crew that day.  But it's not how actors are meant to understand their own position.  Actors should know that their ability to be the face of a production is only possible with the backing of the massive group behind them, holding them up, pushing them along, giving them encouragement, help, and the occasional lunch hour spent sitting with them drilling lines.  These things are not something that should go unnoticed by the acting community, but will almost certainly go unnoticed by the rest of the world.  

Earlier this evening, a theatre company I follow on Facebook had a post which I found quite beautiful, and moving, however fundamentally flawed in that I don't think the message I got was the one it intended.  This post, was posted by a member of a marketing team, whether or not they work as an actor, I do not know.  The first half of the post read as follows:

I support this first half wholeheartedly.  It is beautiful, heartfelt, and a very accurate description of what I think are amazingly admirable qualities of the acting profession.  It acknowledges things that I view as hardships of my profession, and I accept happily because I am happier being an actor than having the things I must give up in order to do so.  I support this post because it acknowledges that every day hundreds if not thousands of my fellow actors are rejected, and they take it with a smile and they move on.  I support it because unlike most jobs, I have to look for my next one every two months, and if I'm employed 3 months out of the year, it's a more successful year than most actors are able to have.  This first half makes me fill up with joy and pride in what I do.

The second half reads as follows:

Here is where I think the post needs some restructuring.  What I don't like about this half of the post, is that to me, it insinuates that actors are higher than others, because they go through these things.  It feels to me like those who help get actors performance-ready are lesser because they don't experience that "moment", "line", "gesture", "or that interpretation that will stir the audience's soul", when those people have been just as tantamount in the creation of that moment as anything I could ever convey on stage.

That concept is not okay with me.  This is not a reflection of the theatre community I know and love.  However I think that the second half of the post does touch on something real and profound, but limits it to too few.  The important part of the second half of the post was the experience gained, of being close to magic, God, perfection...but it's not just the actors who get to be there.  It's the entire theatre community.  It's a director, a stage manager, a costuming assistant, a lighting designer, a sound board engineer, a casting director who smartly put the right actor in the right place, an artistic director with the vision to put forward the correct show at the correct time, a marketing team who successfully brought people in the doors, and so many more courageous, valiant, wonderful people who work just as hard, if not 50 times harder than we as actors ever can, and who get less than 1% of the thanks and praise that we receive.

Case in point, I currently am blessed to be employed as an actor at The Fireside in Wisconsin.  We are now in performance, and every day when I arrive, the crew is already there, preparing costumes, cleaning the theatre, setting instruments, getting lights ready, etc.  I get myself ready, I go out, I do my very best to give the best performance I possibly can, and when its finished I am treated to a curtain call, to people clapping, cheering, whistling, smiling, standing, and giving overall appreciation for the performance we gave to them.  I then go backstage, I take off my minimal makeup, I change my clothes, and I am allowed to leave, there is a van which takes me back to my residence where I can eat food and relax.  That same crew that was there prior to my arrival, collects the costumes and prepares for a couple hours of laundry.  They prepare to fix something which might have broken.  They clean the theatre.  They are there long before I arrive, and are still there long after I leave, and no one ever knows.

But it's not about them either.  There's an old adage in theatre, you can put on a brilliant production but if no one comes to see it then did it matter?  You can debate the point, I think it's an easy answer, the answer is no.  If no one saw it then your brilliance is meaningless, you gave nothing to the outside world, and you were not a part of an experience shared by anyone other than yourselves.

The audience is not blessed to experience what we have created, we are blessed that an audience is willing to spend their time experiencing what we have created.  Hopefully, they will not spend their time in vain, and the experience we offer them causes something.  While writing this post, and running thoughts by some of my trusted friends, a very wise friend of mine (Rachel Ciborowski) said:

The beauty of theatre is this experience, this spark, the concept expressed in the post which misguidedly attributes the experience to actors, and I initially extended to the rest of the theatre community.  

The beauty of theatre is the experience of the audience member.  

Those people who came to see our product are truly who get to experience magic, God, and perfection.  They are the ones who will hang on our every word, when we reach that critical moment, that one the original post so lovingly embraces.  The real magic is what we, as a theatre community, are willing to offer up for them as an experience, whether it's moving, side-splittingly funny, farcical, upsetting, etc.  Actors are not beings who have tasted any nectar.  We are a part of a team that has delivered nectar, in large golden chalices, to members of an audience, who we have the pleasure to serve.  We are waiters of a meal prepared by hundreds of chefs.  Theatre is not about the actors, it's not about the directors, it's not about the venue, or anything else.  Theatre is about what we are blessed to give to an audience every day.  An experience.  It's about the community we all share together, every day, from the interns, to the broadway directors, and everyone in between.

I can only speak for myself, but I don't think I speak alone when I say that, for me, theatre itself is as close to magic, God, and perfection as anyone can ever be, and that's why I do it.

We all made it through High School, so we all know what it's like to be labelled.  See what I did just there?  I just labelled all of you as High School graduates, but it is at least possible that I have a reader who is as of yet not finished with High School.  It's so second nature for human beings to look at someone and categorize them for easy reference.  Why would someone want to meet "Adam" when they can simply shake Adam's hand and instinctively know all there is to know about "Preppy Math Kid".  It is a vicious part of the human psyche and one that I've seen people eagerly try to change in this world, and also perpetuate on a day to day basis.  It goes beyond calling someone "American", there are connotations that go with it.  I would be that for a good majority of Americans if you say "Muslim" they're first instinct would be to think of an Islamic Radicalist.  Why?  Because somewhere along the way our culture decided that those two things were synonymous.  That couldn't be farther from the truth.  Adam's existence as a Preppy Math Kid might only come so far as his clothing, his interests, or even so far as how he carries himself and his books as he walks down the halls.  

For me? It's pretty much an every day occurrence.  In Theatre it's an unfortunate occupational hazard.  A necessity of the trade.  There are so many 23 year old Irish actors in New York, it's absurd, and if you're looking for ONLY 23 year old Irish actors, you better put in your casting notice that this is all you want.  This lets those who are not 23 year old Irish actors that they need not apply.  Yet in doing so I've been given a label, a designation by which I know I pass a test.  Just like in High School.  Except the difference is that I have made it a requirement of my life to exist beyond labels.  You see, while I recognize labeling and typing as a necessary evil to the Theatre industry, it is an evil I don't mind.  In order to fit a part, you must first, indeed, fit the part.  Much of the theatre canon is written to make a point about a group of people, and you need someone from within that group to make the point, consciously or subconsciously.

In my own life, however, I have always been one happy to do what I want, enjoy what I want, know those who I want to know, and strive to continue to live that way.  Just today I was remarked on as an "enigma" by a wonderful person who gave me so much joy at that description.

What could be better than being known as an enigma?  It means that I am not able to be labeled, I have beaten the concept of the social mold, and I am officially whoever I want to be.  Now I recognize the negative connotations as well.  It is at least possible that a person tries so hard to fit in to all molds that they create no identity for themselves and are therefore not able to be labeled.  This person would also be an enigma.  I wear enigma like a badge, however.  Today the comment came from the person's discovery that not only has I received a degree in Musical Theatre, but I was Straight, and was also wearing a New England Patriots hat, and a Firefly TV Show sweatshirt.  I had officially stepped out of all molds that she could try and label me into.  But all of those things are extremely important to me.  In fact looking back, I have always existed a bit in multiple types, in many labels, and not entirely in any of them.  

In high school I was a member of the Chorus, and a 4 year All-State participant, I ran two A'Cappella groups, I was active in the theatre both on stage and off, and I was a 2 sport 4 year varsity athlete.  Those only covered my in school interests and didn't even begin to cover my love of Video Games, Movies, Television, Reading, Animals, Stuffed Animals, Science Fiction in all its forms, etc. 

In college I was a Musical Theatre major who loved all things New England Patriots, and rabidly followed Boston sports teams, I played Xbox frequently, I had at one time been an Athlete, I was straight, and I was by no means known as a "Dancer".  I did not fit the stereotypical mold of the Musical Theatre major and I read this on people's faces often.

What I've discovered in my short six months out of college, is that those labels are still very predominant in the world outside of educational institutions.  Sure, people are significantly more willing to talk to someone outside their social circle in the real world, but you're still almost instantaneously judged on your profession, clothing, interests, hairstyle, place of origin, borough lived within, etc.  Those things do not define a person, they are part of an algorithm through which a person defines themselves.  If someone is defining themselves through their profession, then they are going about life wrong, chasing after concepts that do not matter.  

When I walk into a bar on sunday to watch the Patriots game, I will be surrounded by Packers fans and I will be wearing a Patriots hat.  I will instantly be judged by those people, and any one of them who happily talks with me and has a beer with me while watching a football game?  They're the ones who get it right.

I am:

- an actor
- a singer
- a dancer
- a fight director
- a staged combatant
- a romantic
- practical
- snarky
- a proud member of Whedonverse
- a gamer
- a diehard Patriots fan
- a lover of all Boston/New England sports teams, even the sports I could care less about
- an athlete
- a comic book reader
- a lover of classics
- Sherlock Holmes obsessed
- a geek
- smart
- funny (at least to myself, the rest of you can make up your own mind there)
- computer-savvy
- a whole lot more than any of these things listed here.

I am Ned Donovan. Labeled.

Last night a friend of mine asked me for some advice on a relationship she's trying to get into.  I won't say who she is so that I can say, publicly, that she had been making some stupid decisions regarding how she was going about this thing (sorry darlin' for when you read this!).  In a nutshell she had created a relationship around a cute form of playacting, so that neither party had to fully commit to the relationship.  This gave both of them an out when it started getting to serious by going "hahaha, isn't playacting fun, but it's all just for fun!"  I've realized through self reflection and from reflection of conversations I've had with friends in my life, that many of us do this exact thing at the initial stage.  We create a simple out in order to protect ourselves from actually feeling anything or from feeling any pain.  The problem with creating this out, is that when one party really starts to feel more, the other is never sure if it's playacting or might possibly be really interested.  That is a very very stressful place to be, it causes a lot of anxiety, and more often than not, causes the confused party to take the out to save themselves the possibility of being hurt and humiliated.  I am very guilty of this same problem at times, but it's always easier to offer advice rather than follow it.

That being said, I was trying to find an analogy to help her understand an alternate method of approaching the situation, and how to solve the problem of the pesky "out".  In my incoherent, very often nonsensical ramblings, I stumbled across what is absolutely the best analogy I've heard for how to live your love life to the fullest.  I would like to share it with you all now, I call it "The New Englander's Guide to a Fulfilling Love Life".

I posted this on Facebook last night, but here I'll try and say it a little more eloquently and less from the hip.

Taking the step towards a real, honest, fulfilling relationship is like getting into a frigid, cold ocean in New England.  Everyone in the world makes it at least initially up to their ankles.  From here, the population of the earth splits into two types of people.  The first type of person, everyone is guilty of considering.  Absolutely everyone is tempted to wade in slowly.  This makes the most logical sense.  By slowly allowing your body to get used to the cold until you are all the way in you never have to experience the cold in an overwhelming way.  It seems like a way to cheat your way into experiencing the full ocean without having to face the fear of the initial shock.  There is one problem with this method, however, and itaffects 99.99% of people who choose this method.  These people always make only halfway.  As the cold spreads up their legs, a relatively non-sensitive part of the body, they are lulled into a false sense of security in that their body is easily capable of dealing with the cold water.  However as soon as the rigid water reaches their crotch, and the ocean interacts with quite possibly the most sensitive part of the body, it's too sensitive for them.  These people jump upwards and backwards, anything to avoid having to feel in the most sensitive parts of their body.  They return to thigh level and announce that this is far enough, and that they never really wanted to go into the ocean in the first place, just "get their feet wet".  They will continue to stand, content and proud in themselves that they went even this far with such a challenging feat.  They will splash around, laugh, talk, and have a great time comforted in the fact that they are "in the ocean" even though they are less than halfway in.  They will, at least a few times briefly submerge their sensitive crotchal region again just to prove that they can, that they are brave enough.  They will scream, and laughingly run back to the safe depth, and tell their friends about how wonderful it is to go into the ocean.  The problem is that they're submerging such a sensitive region for all the wrong reasons.

The other type of person, though, is one who knows that the only way to fully enjoy the ocean is to put your fears aside, grab someone by the hand, and run together, as fast as possible, all the way into the ocean, past the scary depths, into the amazing wonder that is a New England ocean.  To put aside your fears and submerge your entire body into the cold water.  Because the moment you do that, you realize it's not as cold as you though, in fact it's actually quite refreshing.  And when someone dives in wholeheartedly with you?  You get to experience the joys of the ocean alongside another person.  This is a true test of friendship and relationship.  Because it takes a whole lot of love, trust, and bravery to overpower the part of your brain that says, "no, don't do that, it's too cold, protect yourself, it's better to wade in slowly."
Sometimes you start running in with someone, who has told you wholeheartedly that they have conquered that part of their brain and they are willing to run all the way in with you.  When the critical moment comes, however, they get cold feet.  You begin to sprint wholeheartedly next to them, and as you run through the breakers, into the powerful section where you are no longer running but power striding, and then the critical, wonderful euphoria moment of diving under the waves.  You come up to discover them standing, arms crossed, shivering, at knee level back beyond the breakers, a look of consternation plastered across their face.  What happened to that person was as you sprinted in, heart free, hair whipping, and not a care in the world, and incidentally with the largest smile on your face (as there is no way to run full tilt into the ocean without a smile on your face, for in that moment, you are truly free), they began to slow down.  They began to have second thoughts, and in their brain they said "look at me, I'm running, but I'll run JUST a tiny bit slower to let my body get used to the water even a fraction of a second slower than my friend, because I'm still running, I swear, but I need to test the water at least a little bit, right?  Only a crazy person just jumps headfirst without testing the waters."  In that moment they reset to being the first type of person.  Then the story is the same, the ocean reaches their crotch, they get afraid, their self-defense mechanisms kick in, and they back out of the deal they made with you.  

In that moment, it's easy to feel like they're not as good a friend as you thought they were, that you are "inadequate", or that your traits aren't good enough for them to dive in with.  Your first reaction will be denial and self-loathing, followed quickly shame at having been so foolish to think that you could just dive straight into the ocean.  You forget very quickly that you actually did dive straight into the ocean.  You didn't stop, you didn't look back, you conquered your fears, and you accomplished what so few actually ever can.  You just unfortunately tried to do it with the wrong person.  You might feel "used" or "foolish" or any of these negative emotions that shift the blame to yourself.  You will almost certainly swear that you will never jump in again, it's just too easy to get hurt, or "left out in the cold".

In that moment you have to sit back and allow yourself some self reflection.  You see you got to experience something your friend didn't. Something raw and wonderful.  And that is not a reflection on you, or a reflection on your friend, it is just simply the story of two people at two different places.  Sometimes people aren't ready to jump in, as a New Englander I have known many friends who have had to take two or three trips right up to the water's edge before they are willing to put aside their fears and submerge themselves.  Sometimes people just aren't ready to commit fully to the ocean.  It might hurt you now, but you can never, and will never regret jumping in.  Because there is nothing so wonderful as swimming in a crisp New England ocean, and only those who have done it know what those who haven't are missing out on.

So grab someone's hand and jump.  I promise you won't regret it, no matter what the outcome.

So I saw my good friend Amy post a list of 50 things she's thankful for in 2012, and recommended that others do the same.  I thought about it, and in light of everything going on in my life right now, I thought I'd take the opportunity to do the same.

So here we go, 50 things I'm thankful for, in no particular order (excepting the first two).

1.) First and foremost my unbelievably wonderful and supportive family.  Without them I literally would have nothing, and they continue to give to me every single day.
2.) My network of friends, my second family.  You are always there to pick me up and dust me off when I need it, and never hesitate to pick up the phone when I call.  Thank you to everyone who is always there for me.  I always will be in return.
3.) Ithaca College, for giving me an education that has been invaluable since I graduated in May, and for giving me some of the greatest memories I've ever had.  I think on my time at IC every single day and think fondly on every person who ever influenced me there.  I can not express enough how much that institution meant to me and how much it means to me now.
4.) Waynflete School, for much the same reasons as #3.  16 years felt like plenty when I graduated in 2008, and now I read about what's going on and I ache to be back with you.  The faculty and staff, my fellow students, they all helped to shape who I am today.  No one institution deserves more credit in that regard than Waynflete.  I hold Waynflete dear to my heart, and I can't wait for the NYC alum get together next week!
5.) The Ithaca College Class of 2012, you guys inspire me every day.  Thanks for being amazing and for continuing to raise the bar with how far you can go in this world.
6.) The Loveshack - the best group of college roommates a guy could ever ask for
7.) Evan Arbour and Taj Harvey, my two fantastic little brothers at IC
8.) Graham Stuart Allen for finding me my first NYC apartment
9.) Mary Corsaro and Brian Demaris for wholly prepping me for auditions in this city.
10.) Coffee...my lifeblood.
11.) Dreams, goals, and achievements
12.) The Hackmatack Playhouse, Ithaca Shakespeare Company, Merry-Go-Round Playhouse, and Theater at Monmouth - the professional theatre companies who this year have paid me to do what I love
13.) Au Bon Pain and The Hummus and Pita Company for giving me jobs when I was in desperate need.
14.) Ted Arcand and The Dogfish Company
15.) The freedom to pursue what I love
16.) Anyone who has granted me an audition, and given me positive feedback, or a callback
17.) actorsequity.org, backstage.com, playbill.com, and actorsaccess.com - literally the reason I can manage myself in this industry
18.) The New England Patriots - I dream about your season in the off-season and I live for it when football is here.  
19.) Microsoft, for inventing the Xbox
20.) All the people who have responded when I've asked to get coffee with them, and have actually met with me. These amazing people take time out of their lives to help new, completely lost kids like myself, and they should be given an award for awesomeness.
21.) Sallie Mae for deferring my college loan payments by even a couple of months, though I'll be cursing her name soon enough.
22.) Good beer, may it ever continue to exist
23.) People and artists who truly work to better the arts industry as a whole, or are actively raising the bar within the industry.  People like Stephen Sondheim, Michael John Lachiusa, Stew, Pentatonix, Ryan Adams, Angie Aparo, William Finn, Edward Norton, Dan Harmon, and so many more, you inspire me to keep working hard.
24.) Movies of all kinds, and those who agree to watch them with me.
25.) Apple, for inventing the iPhone.  I would be completely screwed without it
26.) Jessica Swersey for housing me through the Sandy debacle when I was trapped on Manhattan
27.) The creators of Falling Skies - WHAT AN AWESOME SHOW!
28.) Laughter
29.) Tears
30.) Sunsets
31.) Bright and sunny days with a crisp, cool, Fall air
32.) Prospect Park for offering me a recluse away from the noise of the city
33.) Doug Brown, Orthopaedic Associates, and Orthopaedic Associates Physical Therapy for fixing my right knee so well that to this day it is much better than my left.  I would be without a career if it wasn't for you.  You gave me back my ability to dance and to be active, and I can never repay that debt.
34.) Mistakes
35.) Having no regrets, only life lessons
36.) Pine Island Summer Camp, every time I see a post about you I get so happy.
37.) Mark Bedell and the training he imparted on me
38.) Exploring
39.) The Arts Community as a whole
40.) Sunshine and Rain
41.) Benkins and Jenson
42.) To always looking forward, and looking back fondly, but never living in the past
43.) Animals of all kinds that I can play with. Red Panda, I will play with you before I die
44.) Animals of all kinds that I can't play with, you're still awesome.
45.) Subtle reminders that life is more important than the bullshit.
46.) Personality Flaws, that I may always strive to correct them
47.) The Bungalow circa Fall 2010
48.) Delores and Charlene, two great cars that got me where I needed to go. RIP both of you.
49.) All loved ones who have died. Your lessons imparted and the impact of your presence will forever be a part of my soul.  Rest in Peace, you've earned it.  Some of you died too young, but all of you died having lived a life worth living for however long or short it may have been.
50.) Having far more than 50 things to be thankful for, and having to cut myself off when I could just keep going.  For some people, 50 things to be thankful for might be hard, and I am forever thankful that my list is innumerable.

I highly recommend that in this month of Thanksgiving, and in light of recent events, you all make a list such as this for reflection and confirmation that there is more to life than the negatives that drag us down.

Why can't anyone write a full complete thought in song form anymore?  I have a playlist on my iTunes that syncs to my iPhone which is all music that I haven't ever listened to in my iTunes library.  Recently I've had a string of newer Hip-Hop, Alternative, Rock, and Pop and I'm a little annoyed with what I've been hearing.

It's not the quality of the songs, or the accompaniments, or the simplicity or intricacy of the musical writing, what has been annoying me specifically is what I call "Twitter" lyric writing.  In other words, lyrics which serve only to be smart or clever to themselves.  Lyrics which rhyme, and complete a thought short enough to be encapsulated in a twitter update.  The more clever of these lyrics start with a very convoluted, dense, and undecipherable sentence, they then add a "because" or a "so" or a "when" or some other word meaning "check out what comes next to wrap up the phrase".  They then end with a equally convoluted, but more decipherable sentence which helps to explain the last one.  Afterward we move on to a completely new thought, and a completely new set of lyrics which also could be their own twitter status'.

Let me give you an example:

This means, literally nothing in relation to compared to the moral/meaning of the song, it is simply a clever lyric designed to make people impressed with Owl City's lyrical prowess. 

may be unintentional and then answers with a response showing that it was, truly intentional.  To me, this is not clever, it is not good writing, and it serves no purpose towards the bettering of the music industry.  Now of course, this is not true all throughout, some groups have done GREAT work with lyrics, and they are an inspiration for me in contemporary music.  Some people who constantly inspire me are: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Matt Nathanson, Jason Mraz, Ryan Adams, Sara Bareilles, Flipsyde, Blue Scholars, and even Linkin Park hasedone a great job with new music which tells a complete thought.

What gets me though, is I have been listening, recently, to a lot of classic musical theatre, jazz hits, and 40's-60's popular music, and they have the art of writing music with a point, and a complete thought, AND still being "clever". From Sinatra songs (and all who wrote them) to Mama Cass & the Papas, to Mark Dinning, their lyrics are complete ideas which show a point, and a train of thought.  I dislike how "Dubstep" sounds and hip-hop beats have started to overtake good songwriting.  Artists like Angie Aparo and Ryan Adams work every day to release good, well-written music, and the most mainstream, popular music is lightyears behind what they can do.

In closing, I give you my favorite lyric from classic musical theatre, which is Rodgers and Hammerstein's "I Wish I Were in Love Again" from Babes in Arms.

What do you think, am I making mountains out of molehills?  Leave a comment with your thoughts!

There are some rules in my book about current art about what I will enjoy, in generalizations.  I tend to not be a fan of what I call the "angsty" musicals, because when done well, with great storytelling, they can be fantastic, but generally the productions fall into the angst.  I don't like shows where the message is more important than the story, I would rather see a show that has a profound message, but if all I wanted was to watch a story and not get it, I could.  I am getting tired of plays/movies about the Holocaust.  I tend to dislike child actors before I like them. (The exception to this, of course, being Henry Thomas' audition for E.T. for the role of Elliot.  That is officially the greatest example of acting of all time, and since seeing this video I have considered dropping from the profession because I will never, ever be this good in my lifetime.  Ever)

Jokes aside, all I knew about "And a Child Shall Lead" before I walked into HERE Arts Center on thursday, October 25th, was that it was a play about a Jewish Concentration camp, and it featured almost entirely a cast of children.  Needless to say I was a bit nervous, because it broke two of my rules.  I mainly was going to see it because a good portion of the production team are my good friends, and my dear friend Ethan Itzkow (one of the two actors over the age of 20) was playing one of the main characters.

I had no need to be nervous at all.  The play was absolutely stunning from start to finish.  Laura Luc's direction is just short of miraculous.  I may not be giving these amazingly talented kids enough credit, but it is hard work as a director to create a play which relies heavily on children for the dramatic weight of the show and the forwarding of the plot, and she got some amazing work out of this cast.  

The play takes place in Terezín Concentration Camp during the nazi reign in Europe.  It takes place in two barracks, one of all girls, and one of all boys.  We are greeted by a game of Hide and Seek to start, and this sets the stage for what this beautiful play is really about.  It's not about the inhumane treatment of humanity by the nazis, we've seen those plays, they are in heavy abundance.  What this play is about, is how can a child grow up in that environment, how fast do they grow up, and are they forced into an adulthood before they are ever really children?  That story, is new, it is riveting, and it is utterly, utterly heartbreaking.  As we meet these boys and girls, we are given a glimpse of their previous lives, and of the new ones they've created for themselves, together.  The heads of this strange little family, are Miroslav Weiss (played stunningly by my dear friend Ethan Itzkow), and Eva Hellerova (a spell-binding Lilly Wilton).  They are 15, and 14 respectively, and while Eva is mainly concerned with the safety and well-being of her sister, Jana (the youngest character and member of the cast, Mia Sinclair Jenness), they both work to keep the other kids' minds free of troubling thoughts, and always in a world of the future, of make-believe, of something better.  I should mention, by the way, that Ms. Sinclair Jenness' character was six, she didn't look a day above it, and her focus, engagement with the text, and ability to deliver a very large amount of lines was phenomenal.  As the play progresses, Luc's direction masterfully staged these children into a variety of experiences the whole audience could relate to (the first awkward kiss between two young kids in love, a young girl forcing a boy to play house, creating skits with a sheet for a curtain.  All of these things had people smiling fondly as the children on stage played their way through this horrific life they were forced to live.

The design of the show was perfect.  From Aaron Porter's simple, yet profoundly evocative lighting, to Abby Steere's costumes which showed no hint of a contemporary period, and very effectively transported us back to WWII in Europe, to Alexander Woodward's minimalistic set consisting of rollable bunk beds, crates, benches, and the like.  The best part about the set, to me, was a painted border on the floor signifying both the room they were in, but also used symbolically as a barrier to the outside world which the children could not reach and could not stop thinking about.  I say with some pride, that the three designers previously listed are Ithaca College alums.  The sound designer, Marisa J. Barnes, created a beautiful sound score to the show which told the story in more ways than one.  From the sounds of trains, trucks, gun shots, and other horrors of the concentration camp, to a soft, haunting, and eerie tune played as though from a music box, which accompanied many of the softer moments of the show.  That song came to signify so much to the children and to the show, and my hat is off to her for its use and design.

The best part about child actors is that they have no filter.  Often, training programs talk about returning to the child-like state, because there we only have imagination.  I find often with child actors, that lines and blocking actually serve to be filters, blocks to the perfect imagination, and there were many times where I felt the director's hand on the performance of the child, rather than watching a child be a child.  This is unavoidable, but was still a frequent notice of mine.  

None of those things, however, detracted from the show in my mind.  The show existed in a wonderful bubble, a performance of real depth and weight, which moved me frequently, and affected me viscerally even more frequently.  My favorite highlights included wonderful duets between Rebecca Kurnellas and Ryan Jones on the Violin and Recorder, respectively.  There was a fantastic, innocent chemistry between these two young actors that I remember all too well, and laughed at retrospectively and lovingly. There were wonderful moments between Caroline Rosenblum and Evan Smolin, the two "outsiders" of the group.  They were the two characters that found each other through mutual aloofness and an appreciation for drawing.  Great work from these two.  The show opened to a beautiful modern ballet performed by a cast member while removing her everyday clothing and changing into her Terezin outfit.  I was shocked and surprised by how fantastic this was, and I have to give so much credit to whichever cast member danced it (unfortunately I was enthralled and forgot to check who it was), as well as to choreographer Raquel Wallace, an understudy in the show and another of the young performers.  As I write this I have a suspicion that perhaps Raquel danced it herself, I really can't remember, and I am embarrassed to say so.

What was hardest for me about the show, was that much of what I loved about the show, and why it hit home for me was unintentional.  There is so much about this show that is removed from the real event, and as noble as these performances were, and as wonderful as the production was, there was still an obvious disconnect from these people to their portrayed characters.  The first is that these children and young adults have the freedom and privilege to do theatre for people.  It is rare that a child has the opportunity to perform for an audience, as often their parents are unable to support their arts interest, or there simply aren't arts opportunities available to them.  I couldn't help but wonder how fortunate we are as a culture that we have children who aren't living in the world of the play.  This took me from the play, and far away into my mind.  In the end, I found myself feeling blessed for the fact that our culture doesn't contain these specific atrocities anymore.  The moment that continued to come back to me, and sums up all my thoughts on the matter, came early in the show when the children are putting on a skit for each other, and one plays the nazi leader of the Terezin Concentration Camp.  As these children start doing "Heil Hitlers" in jest (a very very chilling thing to watch happen from younger actors) one of the girls accidentally broke character and showed her youth, her innocence, and most of all, the privilege our culture can afford a young one.  As her hand came forward in the traditional "Heil Hitler" position, her hand naturally formed a perfect ballet hand, middle finger and thumb cocked carefully towards each other, and her arm crooked at the elbow ever so slightly.  In that moment, she lost herself entirely in the scene, and the actress' body fell into muscle memory.  For children in previous cultures, that arm signal meant power, oppression, fear, loathing, death, destruction.  For this girl, that arm position was what happens at the barre before a beautiful combination.  

Unfortunately the show's run has ended, and it is no longer available for being seen, but if this show ever pops up in your community, I urge you to see it.  Michael Slade's writing is carefully constructed to be conversational enough to feel realistic, heightened enough to allow for thought and reflection, and poetic enough to give the brain grasping points of beauty amidst this world of chaos and death.  Bravo to the entire production, and happy closing to them!